Talk like lovers, Laugh like best friends.

They had met a party. They were into each other but it was still the early days of getting to know and all that, you know. "I like you a lot."
"I love your hair."
"I love how you say that"
Yeah. Those days.

She was independent, ambitious, charming and witty. He was ready to commit but his track record at dating didn't give him much courage and pretty much zilch confidence. In his own words, he sucked at relationships.

The first time he went over to her place, he carried a bottle of cheap Rosé. She had a beer in one hand and was wearing a Homer Simpson do'h tee with not-so-short shorts, which was refreshing because he didn't like those what's-even-the-point-of-wearing-that kind of shorts anyway. Not in an MCP manner at all, he just didn't like them.

She graciously accepted the bottle of wine while throwing air-kisses at him and mumbled, "Schmancy fuck!"
His face was suddenly an expression alloy of embarrassed and glad. But she diffused it instantly by thanking him for coming over in the most honest, genuine way. He didn't remember anyone but his childhood best friend's mother being a host as warm as the young lady here.
She showed him around the house. It was a lovely one bedroom set; with her kitschy, creativity showing up in the littlest of corners. And yet somehow not pretentious. There were a lot of plants, in bottles, in old bulbs, tin cans, even in a pair of old converse shoes in the balcony.
There was no bed, just a big mattress in the center of the bedroom surrounded by several piles of books that doubled as bedside tables. He couldn't not think of lying with her on that mattress, later the same very night. If all went well.
She saw him lost in thought and asked, "What?"
"What, What?", he retorted. As if he had been caught stealing something. His heart was now pounding under his breath as they saw the rest of the apartment. He didn't quite understand what was making him so nervous.
He tried focusing on her house tour.
There were some quirky quotes that she'd printed out, framed and put on the walls.
One quote said, "BEING YOURSELF IS THE NEW BLACK."
Another one, "HE ASKED WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE POSITION? I SAID, CEO."
She exclaimed, "Very Pinteresting right?!"
All yellow lights. "Tube-lights are for hospitals", she had declared the first time they had met.
Finally they were in the drawing room.
Making himself comfortable on a futon, he asked for the WiFi password, she told him smilingly, "I Want More Beer"
He: Alright I'll get it, but what's the password?
She: "IWantMoreBeer" IS the password. No spaces.
He: Oh. And what's the speed? You know there's an mbps speed of internet depending on the plan you take. Never mind, girls don't know such stuff.
She: Excuse me? What do you mean girls don't know such stuff? 100 mbps.
He: That's impossible! Are you sure it isn't 100 kbps?
She: God no! I got fibernet last month. 100 mbps. I have been trying to tell you I am pretty awesome. And hey I want more beer.
He: Ya ya, got that. Connected already! It is really 100 mbps! And on the awesome part, I don't know how awesome is anyone who still uses the word "awesome".
She: Funny Haha. No, I meant I want more beer. Could you get some from the fridge?

Sheepishly he walked over to the kitchen, the fridge was stacked with just a lot of beer pints. No water bottles, some milk. And a lot of beer.
He was pretty sure he was either dead and in heaven or dreaming.
Whatever it was, he went back in with the beers, took her hands and said, "I know it's not been long but think I love you."
She was taken aback.
"And I, ahem, errr, shit this is so tough, I..I love YouTube really fast". She said. And started laughing hysterically. Stopping only to catch her breath.
He burst into laughter too. "You are mad, you know that?" he said shaking his head side to side.
"I HAVE FALLEN FOR THIS MAD PERSON, WHO IS MAD!"
They just stood there laughing for a long while. Then she walked over to where he stood and kissed him deeply.
With moist eyes, "I love you too!" she stated in a matter of fact tone. "And Beer!"
"Yeah, not in that order it seems. By the way, how much do you pay for the fibernet?" He asked.
They were laughing again. And kissing again, swallowed whole in love.
A quote on the wall just above them read,
"THEY TALKED LIKE LOVERS AND LAUGHED LIKE BEST FRIENDS."

Sorry Jennifer!

It is just a law of nature. Things have had to break to give rise to new things.
Endings have to end so that new beginnings can begin.
Life, eras, dynasties, earth, universe, everything.
Just because something is ending or breaking doesn't necessarily mean that it was a bad thing or a wrong thing. We tend to think like that when something's end is near because of the emotions within. Tend to believe that this was all a big mistake. Maybe we should have done this next thing we are to do in the first place. 

Retrospect is an objectifier of things; retrospect sees everything as value + or - 
In binary. That is why, most things in retrospect are good.
You'll find yourself missing your 'bad dead end ex job' in retrospect.
Cherish an inconvenient friendship, 
Smile at an almost suicidal romance. 
Stone age made way for ice age but that doesn't mean ice age is any better.
Trance gave way to dub-step doesn't mean dub-step is better. Rather opposite is true.
Jennifer Aniston gave way to Angelina Jolie but that doesn't mean Angelina is better. Umm well Angelina is. 
Sorry Jennifer!

Masochis..what?

Yesterday I was fasting. Yes, where you go an entire day without food, that fasting.

It isn't something I do often or being a foodie, am super comfortable doing. Nor am I particularly religious to think that a person's going without food for 16 hours is going to change the cosmos for the better thereby increasing someone's life expectancy. 

My mom fasts for me and my brother every year on ahoi or simply hoi (http://goo.gl/S526U) for as long as I remember. I started finding it ridiculous for her to go without food or water for us nincompoops while we hogged on hoi goodies she'd get for us. So some years back, I decided to fast for her as it was the only logical thing to do.

Now, there I am on hoi day at work ,not munching chips or chana nor gulping down cups after cups of tea. And where it gets really tough is the not even having water bit. For this you need to understand the prominence water has in my life right now. Since I clearly haven't felt 'thirsty" in the past 6 years or so for no apparent reason,  water serves as the "filler" for the "I'm bored" or "I can't think" or "I have nothing to do" or "I have so much to do that can't think where to start" times, anyone in a corporate-desk type job set would get what I'm talking about. You only leave your seat to get water or go to the loo which is again a derivative of the previous visits to the water counter. During my fast I realized the importance of these water breaks. 

To take my mind off that and to make the whole experience challenging I sat with my colleagues as they had their lunch. It was here that one of them pointed out the borderline masochistic nature of what I was doing. Now I don't know whether it was the hunger that made me profound in thought or my general awesomeness but something struck me. Masochism has been taught to us as a concept, something bad or a weird sexual thing, little strange or not normal and definitely grey. What if it isn't so. What if it's one hardwired behaviour of humans. More than we know it to be. 

Just think about it, when do you know it is love? 
When it pains. When it reaches that madness of irking you, driving you a little crazy; interfering with your daily activities. We all have been in relationships that went on perfectly well without the craziness, that irrationality. There was no pain or sorrow involved. And then it just fizzled out. Without warning. Poof! 

I love my family and friends. I do. But god(or math or science) knows they drive me crazy! Little things- idiosyncrasies as the cool call it these days are capable of doing these weird mutations to a normal person. It hurts. It aches. Sometimes it just makes you cringe. 
A spoon of sugar in tea too much, 
some new sms spellings- "gud nyt", 
an unbearable habit- snoring, 
bad taste in music- Himesh or something, 
an inconvenient personality trait- inexpressive, 
a weird attire choice- jumpsuit and the list can go on. 
And then you do what? 
Adjust? Live and let live? STFU?

Or do you start or at least try to like these very idiosyncrasies that once drove (or still drive) you up the wall?

My dog peed on bed, pooed in my room, ripped my real sleek couch apart, made me run after him during his walks, pulled me so hard at times that I fell; skinning my knees. All that. But now that he's gone, I miss that idiot so bad. Sometimes I think if I hadn't let him misbehave so much, take us for granted, prolly then now it'd hurt lesser. Maybe.

Is it about stakes of pain after all?

Are you unknowingly constantly looking for people(and pets!) who will be able to bring out the crazy in you by inflicting some kind of pain-like pressure(pleasure!?) at some level; mild to moderate, emotional to social. Is that what being intellectually stimulating or challenging one's intellect mean? 

Does my brain subconsciously go "ohhh this person can make us crazy to very high! Respect dude! We must love this person and feel all the attachment thingies."

In a way, attachment seems to be a tad bit lopsided to pain than happy. I can count having fun happy times with acquaintances but that never converted into attachment or friendship. We are attached to people who can, knowingly or unknowingly, press our buttons of crazy. They may not but they can. They have the power is what matters.

Whatever we say or do, we like it and we want it. It probably assures the mind in this "robotic, no time for one's self" era that people are imperfect and so are we. If we accept them, they might just accept us too and hopefully there wouldn't be any more wars.

But while this whole learning to "take it with a pinch of salt" was on, i'm afraid I might have just developed a taste. 

I like salt. It brings out the flavour in sweet.

Maybe pain is good because it makes everything else so much sweeter than it actually is. And the cause of the pain important.

Ever tried cold coffee or chocolate milk with a pinch of salt? It is godly(or mathly or science-ly)! 

Just try it on a day you are not fasting.
  

Recycle: it's ego-friendly!

Nothing is more victorious than winning over one's past harboured grudges.


The emotion that once took over you; that anger, disappointment, that wrath which soon gave way to newer gnawing problems n takes a backseat. Days, months, years later you are reminded of the grudge you kept irrigated for long but forgot. It could be anything that reminds you of this old grudge; a sound, a whiff, a face, a movie ticket, a picture; you try to have a problem with it but soon you know that you are too disconnected from it to feel sad or bad or anything at all.. The thing that turned your entire life into frenzy or at least tried once has ceased to have any sort of effect on you. You find yourself in calm indifference. And then you just take a deep breath and let it all go.

Delete all from the recycle bin.

Light.

You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger?

Till some decades ago, humans followed a very simple social code. You made friends in schools, colleges, hostels, workplaces, neighbourhoods, etc. Then you spent time understanding them and the ones making the cut for you viz. IQ, humour, values, helping quotient, career choice and comfort level, became your friends. You didn't have all these options, physical presence was the only way people knew communication or conversations and perhaps even friendship. People hung around at each other's homes, went for picnics, played cricket(guys), badmintion(girls), chess(guy girl flirt), got together for "Movie Nights" since only one or two families in a colony could afford VCR/VCPs.

Telephones were for emergencies, letters were for grandparents back home, internet snail-on-weed-speed slow, typing was for "office use only" and mobile phones, well, those were way too expensive anyway. 

People had opinions but not as many platforms to opine, so they talked to each other. And along the way found friends as a by-product. Real friends, which may be just 2% of the colossal pile of friends in one's Facebook or Google account. And sometimes people even found love or something similar but more real. I don't mean to say it doesn't happen anymore but less, very less. Love bit, even lesser.

Half-drunk at a friend's house-warming party, I go out to get some fresh air, my sinus is acting up to the smoke from every brand and type of cigarette known. Thrown into a limbo of silly drunk observations, I realize every single person in the room is on their phone, texting, FBing, whatsapping, tweeting, clicking pictures(to be put on FB instantaneously), talking(duh) or pretending one of the above. So much for a social gathering! I could well be hanging out with zombies. Just a change of menu; blood and flesh instead of  beer and, well, non-human flesh. Plus, it would have been more fun. Come on, a Zombie's house warming party anyday sounds more fun than that of an IAS aspirant's? They aren't real zombies.

My Bad. No Real Zombies. 

Great! And now who will introduce me to the tall, dark, hot guy across the hallway, in the balcony? He looks so familiar and yet has the charm of a perfect stranger. Maybe that is how cheesy, love at first sight feels like or I am really very drunk. 

He is on his BB too, beer in the other hand, in half conversation about F1 with another BB zombie. Seriously, Why don't you two just BBM each other about F1? Why take the load of talking even?

But still he looks cuter than most guys his age doing the three most regular things for a guy his age, standing against the balcony railing; beer, BB, talking F1. 

Someone calls him from inside the chimney cum house, "Osho, come on let's click some pictures with you, now." 

My tall, dark stranger's name is Osho? What parents name their son "Osho" in the 80s?
Rajneesh Osho wasn't exactly the dream then, right? He was getting indicted and deported from the US. Maybe this Osho is over 27 but looks younger.

Anyway, it's just a name. And maybe a divine intervention, his first name sounding like my last name. 

He comes back to the balcony, catches me staring at him, I look away and turn to texting(goddamn, am I a hypocrite or what?). 

I hear something I'm not too sure of hearing, "Roma?" 

What? Osho knows my name? 

Maybe he is psychic like the real Osho. 

Was the real one psychic? 

Well, this one is. 

Again he says, "Roma Joshi, Right?"

"Umm...Yes." I'm all surprised but look uninterested for I've gone pale.

"I don't think you know me, but I know you, as in know of you. We have like some common friends on FB. Small world. Haha." continues Osho. 

"I was briefly dating Sneha."

Okay, now I am totally confused.

He's trying to make me remember someone, poor thing he's counting on my memory, that too desperately. "Sneha Sharma, Miranda. She's school friends of that chap..umm.. I'm forgetting his name. Broad guy, they call him "cute ass"... "girly butt" or something. I think you are dating him? Words travel fast in the campus circuit, you know." And he winks.

Osho's first wink to me. A wink? eyyeeww. Strike 1. 

And how corny is "campus circuit"? Strike 2. I can smell a disaster approaching.

"I am sorry, I think I came on too strongly, it was a stupid question to ask about whatshisname. I mean whether you are dating him or not."

"A li'l stupid." I mumble.

"Okay so, Let's take it from the top. Hi Roma Joshi, I'm Ashwin Dey, How about we go and get you a refill?"

He sure is charming, I nod. "But hey I heard someone call you Osho."

"Yeah, phew, its the bong thing, you know. My name starts with an O. I am Oshwin Dey, totally detest it. Have to correct people all the time."

That name rings a bell. *glass shattering*
STRIKE 3

Data processing...

Oshwin Dey, 24, Stephenian, into advertising, likes Who's the Boss, 7 mutual friends, dated Sneha Sharma.

Sneha Sharma, doesn't share her birthyear on FB, Miranda, likes Gossip Girl, 20 mutual friends, dated Oshwin, school buddy of that douchebag of an ex-boyfriend I have.

I remember Oshwin from a comment he left on a picture of me and douche in happier times. It said, "Bada Shareef lag raha hai.. affect of being in a couple ;) Stay blessed!"

And I had fought the urge to correct him, "effect" not "affect". But I let it go as I barely knew him and douche's friends anyway were a wee bit weird.

"What deep thought are you in, Roma?" Oshwin has two beers in his hands. He hands one to me, "You don't have to answer my stupid question, if you are thinking about that."

A silly smile comes over my face, "Now I think you really want me to answer that. Haha. I was just wondering..umm..Who is the boss?" And I wink.

Oshwin starts sniggering, "Oh, the biggest mystery in the depths of the milky way! Haha.. Tony, hands down.

"Oh please, Angela was the boss, he was her salaried employee." I retort.

"Roma, don't take things so literally.. Boss doesn't mean like the freakin' oxford dictionary definition of a boss."

"Very nice drunk thought, Bhagwan Osho. Hehe. Cheers to that." I find myself enjoying Zombie's housewarming for real but the BB zombies couldn't careless to look up at the budding friendship.

"Sure..Cheers.. So Are You?" He gives me this curious shy smile continuing being cute and very charming.

"Boss-Yes, With Curvy Butt- No, not anymore." I say with all the naughtiness I can gather.

"What? Haha..Oh yes..that's what they call him..so is it?" Osho asks quickly winking at me for the second time.

"Well, not so much." It's my turn for the second wink.

You may meet a Tall, Dark. But a Stranger in the real sense of the word is highly unlikely.

Roma and Oshwin are now friends on Friendbook.